1 Step Forward, 2 Steps Back... Recalculating...

It just struck me that this old cliche may just need some recalculating. I have often felt like I take a step forward then find myself back further than when I started, as if trying to go up an escalator only to find it carrying me back to the bottom and dumped me on
my butt! But it has just occurred to me that it actually works out to be 2 steps forward and 1 step back, because even when I have taken 1 step forward then fallen back 2 I get back up and start the walking from the first step I got to before I went backwards. I call that Moving forward. If you usually find the above cliche describes you, perhaps as you reflect on where you are now - and how you've grown anyway - it's your turn to recalculate the cliche:)

I'm sooo thankful when God opens my eyes a little more so I can see things more how they actually are. Feeling joyful right now and thankful for the backwards steps, especially that God lets me go backwards so that he can help me move forward properly. Growth, whilst painful, is ultimately invigorating. After all, it's a sign we are ALIVE, not just breathing :)

Silly Sayings

A sweet young Japanese woman has been staying with me for the past 2 weeks. In that time I have, so far, managed to teach her 2 silly Australian sayings... funny thing is that it wasn't until I had to explain what I was talking about when I said them that I realised how silly they are.

First one was: "feeling under the weather". She asked me why "under" the weather? Um... good questions?! What is it... being under the spell of crappy weather?? [cause we always seem to use it in the negative]

Second one: "my brain is fried". That one was funnier to her:) I think she thought I meant 'deep fried' hehe!

Someone at school today taught her "stick like glue" as in "stick like glue to the other teachers so you don't get lost".

I like our silly sayings cause even when they don't really make sense somehow they just do:)

Hmm I wonder what else I can teach her before she goes back to Japan...

Re-Activating Life

Life has been very interesting this year, and not all in an exciting way... mostly in a confusing: "I don't really know what's going on" kind of way. I've grappled; wrestled; questioned; listened; 'tested the waters'; paused decisions; given up and let the tide take me wherever' taken steps of faith; adapted; grown; as well as done the whole 'flop on the floor in a state of stubborn unhappy obedience' like a grumpy kid kind of thing... not all in that order, but definitely a few rounds of each. This is why you haven't heard much from me here for a while. 

This morning I decided to focus on the smaller things in my life, rather than the bigger things. I've already made the most important decision in my life, the biggest one of all: To follow Jesus, the King of the Universe and whatever is beyond. Being faithful to that decision is not and easy road.

Life is purposeful, thus it requires us to live it intentionally, not passively. My life has been given purpose, meaning, joy, love and hope that runs deep and flows into eternity. Yet I find myself making everyday choices, even defaulting to 'old self' habits [as if I don't have to choose - which in itself is a choice!], that aren't in the spirit of 'Living the Change".  They don't lead me to more fulfilling life, rather they slowly and subtly lead me in the way of 'death'.

I've been thinking about about Romans 12v1-2 

"Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. ² Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."

On Tuesday night I heard v2 again, and I honestly thought: "I am tired of having to do all the changing, can't something else change so that good comes from it and I can have a break". But the next day I was preparing for a school chapel service where I was starting to wrap up the series on Jesus' "I AM" statements. God helped me to see that when Jesus says he is "the way, the truth and the life", he is basically saying that the answer to ANY and ALL our questions, confusion, uncertainty, despair... well everything is JESUS HIMSELF. It's not about me finding the right way through this time in my life or the path that I meant to walk on into the next season of my life. It's about me being with Jesus, going to Him. 

So this has led to my decision to persevere with Rom 12v1-2. This morning God reminded me - in fact I think he woke me up at 3am to get me to listen carefully - that the process of being being transformed in our mind requires non-conforming to worldly patterns and the same is true the other way around, both are dependent on each other. This is no easy process. But it IS Possible and WORTHWHILE. My problem is that I let circumstances and excuses cloud my judgment, causing me to think and feel like it's too hard when it actually isn't. First of all God himself promises to help us, He gives us other people to grow with, and then it really comes down to the small everyday decisions of your life. Now that makes it sound more possible to me.

Thus reactivating the simple rule of 'swapping' worldly habits for Godly habits that will keep me focussed on and connected with Jesus, is the key. Hence my new personal project "The Swap Project" (here) It's not really revolutionary, it's just something to help live out Rom 12v1-2. I'm trying to keep it simple so I've been really disciplined and refrained from spending lots of time making it look good - trust me that's a big deal, hehe:)

Feel free to join me in it:)

Hindsight

So I'm here looking back on a recent scenario of my life thinking how 'Hindsight' really drew the short straw when it came to getting its role on the 'Sight' team. Foresight gets all the glory with preventing us from doing stupid things or preparing us for things to come. The only weakness of Sight is that there are things we sometimes don't want to see in the moment, other than that we are thankful for being able to see everytime we open our eyes. But Hindsight gets all the angst. Hindsight is the one noone really wants, in fact more than that, we'd much prefer Hindsight to someone else: the other 'Sights'. It's the one that we would like to yell at, and perhaps have:
"where were you when I really need led you?!"
"what?! You're choosing to tell me NOW and not back then when it mattered?!"
Yep Hindsight is the awkward one that never seems to get timing right. The thing is, that's its job... so at least it does it's job well. And whilst we tend to err on the side of animosity towards Hindsight, there's a depth of wisdom in it that we appreciate. It teaches us valuable things, that actually end up being useful for our present and future. Maybe it's not so separated from Foresight or Sight as it seems... Oh yeah they're a team... We need them all.

Disappointment

It's an inevitable thing in this life that we will all experience disappointment. Whether it be disappointment in things not turning out how we hoped or planned, or disappointment causes by people, the effect is the same. Usually it's some form of sadness and sense of loss, whether it shows in tears or anger.

As a person full of hope, optimism and dreams I have encountered disappointment to the point where we are beyond 'acquaintances'. Whilst there is a deep familiarity with disappointment, at times it can still catch me by surprise in its ability to effect me. Usually it rears its head in circumstances not working out how I hoped they would. Lately it's showed up on a regular basis.

Today was its most recent sighting.

The difficult part of dealing with disappointment for me is in finding a healthy response where I allow myself to feel the valid sadness, reflect on what happened so I can understand it and learn from it, but then find a way to let it go so it doesn't lead me towards bitterness or inaction.

Today the most difficult part was facing the fact that I let myself down. I really wanted to hit myself over the head a couple of times. Don't worry, I didn't:). But I couldn't fight back the tears on and off - even on a plane!

I wonder what you do with disappointment.
For me, the key is intentionally bringing to mind what is ultimately true and outlasts whatever happens on Earth - Jesus: His character, His promises and what he has already done for me.

Truth can be hard to hold onto when our emotions are at full throttle. So today it was a difficult challenge to fight the repetitive regretful thoughts with truth. Boy can my mind shout, particularly at night when I want to sleep. But I opened the Bible (well my Bible ap) and the verse for the day was Philippians 4v4 "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!"

Perfect verse for me to hear tonight. Thank you God! It puts everything into perspective and helps me to fix my eyes on God not me (the Bible says it well: Hebrews 12v1-3). Whatever happens, God is still in charge and His ways are perfect, better plans than mine. And all that happens on this Earth in my life is so small and temporary compared with seeing God face to face and being with Him in 'perfect everything' forever. So this may not have worked out, but it doesn't knock me out of God's awesome hands and perfect plans.

Hope in this earthly life is a fleeting thing and really is no sure hope at all. but hope in Jesus is absolute and eternal.

In times of disappointment may you run to the God in whom there's never nothing to rejoice about.

That is the difference between joy and happiness: joy withstands circumstances, whereas happiness depends on circumstances. Joy comes from knowing Jesus :D He does not disappoint :D

My Life is a Musical #3 - Lay it Down

At the risk of sounding self-promoting and obnoxious, I am posting a song I wrote over a year ago. There are times where I have so much inside me that all I can do is play the guitar and sing. When those moments come I hit the 'record' button before I even have an idea of what I will sing. This song is one of those - completely unedited. I'm posting it because it still influences my life. I find that I need to sing this song most days! I sang it in a time where God was helping me deepen my trust in Him. I had lots of hope in my own dreams, dreams bigger than myself. I also had lots of uncertainty and needs. As a dreamer, idealist, and an ideas generating machine who takes responsibility really seriously, I often need to be reminded that God is in charge - rightly so - and trusting Him to lead and provide for me in area of my life is always the best decision. There is real freedom and peace in laying things at God's feet. The more I have learnt to trust God the more I discover that how shallow that trust is in other areas of my life. Anyway, this song says it for me. Perhaps this song isn't just a gift from God for me, perhaps it is meant for you too. 

My Life is a Musical #2

Though this post has been a long time coming, I can't not post this song. But to get how cool of an experience I have just had I need to give you the story. This afternoon I found myself quite discouraged and in need of something to lift me up and refocus me. Well I rang my sister and had a long conversation with my almost 2yr old nephew. I think we talked about trains and food, but the conversation was more based on noises in sentence form with a few squeals thrown it - the longest conversation I've had with him so I will cherish it! :) Well talking with the 2 of them really helped me by allowing me to get my emotions out and then by making me laugh and smile. Straight after I hung up I knew I needed to move on, get focused on the mission at hand. Music was the first thing that came to mind. iTunes shuffled away and landed on this song "Author of Life" by Phil Joel. Immediately I knew it was the song I needed to hear. It expressed where I am at and helped me fix my eyes on Jesus. It's moments like these that I breathe a sigh of relief and thankfulness to God cause I am reminded that He is active in my life, He reassures me.
Here's the song with some random pics I've taken over the past 6months for fun:)

Things aren't actually what I thought they would be

I won't pretend, disappointments never free

The sky's on fire, feels like the sky's on fire

I may be young but I'm feeling pretty old

Like somebody borrowed years

And I found out they got sold

But still I love you

Though my sky's on fire

Swallow my pride

Let go inside

Show me your way

Refine me

And I'll still love you

Though my sky's on fire

To the author of life

Be the author of my life

To the author do you hear me sing?

To the author of life

Be the author of my life

To the author do you hear me?

I see you've been hanging in there

Looking back I've been everywhere

I've done it my way for far too long now like

Like I promised you years before

All I have is yours

Swallow my pride

Let go inside

Show me your way

Refine me