Disappointment

It's an inevitable thing in this life that we will all experience disappointment. Whether it be disappointment in things not turning out how we hoped or planned, or disappointment causes by people, the effect is the same. Usually it's some form of sadness and sense of loss, whether it shows in tears or anger.

As a person full of hope, optimism and dreams I have encountered disappointment to the point where we are beyond 'acquaintances'. Whilst there is a deep familiarity with disappointment, at times it can still catch me by surprise in its ability to effect me. Usually it rears its head in circumstances not working out how I hoped they would. Lately it's showed up on a regular basis.

Today was its most recent sighting.

The difficult part of dealing with disappointment for me is in finding a healthy response where I allow myself to feel the valid sadness, reflect on what happened so I can understand it and learn from it, but then find a way to let it go so it doesn't lead me towards bitterness or inaction.

Today the most difficult part was facing the fact that I let myself down. I really wanted to hit myself over the head a couple of times. Don't worry, I didn't:). But I couldn't fight back the tears on and off - even on a plane!

I wonder what you do with disappointment.
For me, the key is intentionally bringing to mind what is ultimately true and outlasts whatever happens on Earth - Jesus: His character, His promises and what he has already done for me.

Truth can be hard to hold onto when our emotions are at full throttle. So today it was a difficult challenge to fight the repetitive regretful thoughts with truth. Boy can my mind shout, particularly at night when I want to sleep. But I opened the Bible (well my Bible ap) and the verse for the day was Philippians 4v4 "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!"

Perfect verse for me to hear tonight. Thank you God! It puts everything into perspective and helps me to fix my eyes on God not me (the Bible says it well: Hebrews 12v1-3). Whatever happens, God is still in charge and His ways are perfect, better plans than mine. And all that happens on this Earth in my life is so small and temporary compared with seeing God face to face and being with Him in 'perfect everything' forever. So this may not have worked out, but it doesn't knock me out of God's awesome hands and perfect plans.

Hope in this earthly life is a fleeting thing and really is no sure hope at all. but hope in Jesus is absolute and eternal.

In times of disappointment may you run to the God in whom there's never nothing to rejoice about.

That is the difference between joy and happiness: joy withstands circumstances, whereas happiness depends on circumstances. Joy comes from knowing Jesus :D He does not disappoint :D

My Life is a Musical #3 - Lay it Down

At the risk of sounding self-promoting and obnoxious, I am posting a song I wrote over a year ago. There are times where I have so much inside me that all I can do is play the guitar and sing. When those moments come I hit the 'record' button before I even have an idea of what I will sing. This song is one of those - completely unedited. I'm posting it because it still influences my life. I find that I need to sing this song most days! I sang it in a time where God was helping me deepen my trust in Him. I had lots of hope in my own dreams, dreams bigger than myself. I also had lots of uncertainty and needs. As a dreamer, idealist, and an ideas generating machine who takes responsibility really seriously, I often need to be reminded that God is in charge - rightly so - and trusting Him to lead and provide for me in area of my life is always the best decision. There is real freedom and peace in laying things at God's feet. The more I have learnt to trust God the more I discover that how shallow that trust is in other areas of my life. Anyway, this song says it for me. Perhaps this song isn't just a gift from God for me, perhaps it is meant for you too. 

My Life is a Musical #2

Though this post has been a long time coming, I can't not post this song. But to get how cool of an experience I have just had I need to give you the story. This afternoon I found myself quite discouraged and in need of something to lift me up and refocus me. Well I rang my sister and had a long conversation with my almost 2yr old nephew. I think we talked about trains and food, but the conversation was more based on noises in sentence form with a few squeals thrown it - the longest conversation I've had with him so I will cherish it! :) Well talking with the 2 of them really helped me by allowing me to get my emotions out and then by making me laugh and smile. Straight after I hung up I knew I needed to move on, get focused on the mission at hand. Music was the first thing that came to mind. iTunes shuffled away and landed on this song "Author of Life" by Phil Joel. Immediately I knew it was the song I needed to hear. It expressed where I am at and helped me fix my eyes on Jesus. It's moments like these that I breathe a sigh of relief and thankfulness to God cause I am reminded that He is active in my life, He reassures me.
Here's the song with some random pics I've taken over the past 6months for fun:)

Things aren't actually what I thought they would be

I won't pretend, disappointments never free

The sky's on fire, feels like the sky's on fire

I may be young but I'm feeling pretty old

Like somebody borrowed years

And I found out they got sold

But still I love you

Though my sky's on fire

Swallow my pride

Let go inside

Show me your way

Refine me

And I'll still love you

Though my sky's on fire

To the author of life

Be the author of my life

To the author do you hear me sing?

To the author of life

Be the author of my life

To the author do you hear me?

I see you've been hanging in there

Looking back I've been everywhere

I've done it my way for far too long now like

Like I promised you years before

All I have is yours

Swallow my pride

Let go inside

Show me your way

Refine me

Kony2012 - Response #1: To stomp or knead

In a time when it feels like there are so many things we can't do much about in our world, it makes sense that when something comes along that gives us both a real issue that shoots at the human heart, and presents a solution with steps that anyone could do, it's no wonder so many people - including myself - have grabbed onto the Kony2012 campaign.

Sometimes we don't want to look at the things that could possibly be unhelpful with such a project because we couldn't bear the feeling of being disheartened by yet another thing that we can't do. So I am thankful that there are people, including my friends, who have and are thinking thoroughly through the Kony 'issue' and the campaign against him. I am even more thankful that they put it in front of me to consider.

Ultimately, the Kony2012 campaign and the responses that are happening as a result provide us with a fantastic opportunities, as well as some challenges. There are sooo many things running through my head about these. Over the next few blogs I am going to post my response to Kony2012 in parts so that it makes it easier for discussion to happen concerning each point.

If you are moved by the Kony2012 campaign, whether for or against it, then I encourage you to engage in discussion about it and the other issues it raises for us to consider. Don't just engage in discussion by saying what you think, but by actually listening to others, considering other views and staying in the conversation. 


#1 To Stomp or Knead?
Kony2012 woke up people's hearts! This is a great thing! The campaign has helped people put themselves in the world picture as fellow humans with people a long way away, living in very different circumstances. The people of IC have been working for the good of the kids in Africa for years now - have you or I? Instead of stomping on their actions or the actions of those responding in good faith, let's get involved. Let's support the kids in Africa, as well as the 'kids' in Australia who are craving to help and have found something they can do.

I wouldn't be surprised if the largest demographic of responders to the Kony 2012 video are youths and young adults [Gen y & z]. Certainly some of the comments I have heard have been about or aimed at the response of young people. Here is a comment I read in a question asked by ABC24 news [yes I watch that!].

“How very generation Y or Z that foreign issues of this size can be solved with coloured wrist bands…”

I honestly felt a little gutted by that comment. When young people get passionate we seem to stomp on it - show them all the flaws of what they are doing. We underestimate young people. We assume they don't understand the world like us. Instead of doing this we can engage with them in what they are passionate about. Affirm the positive in their motives, the the good actions, and help them work through how to gain good perspectives and come up with even better ways forward.  Sometimes they understand it more and that's why they take causes seriously. They see how joining together can bring results. Sometimes they understand what it is to be community more than we do [coloured wrist bands are more than just that, they are a sign of someone having a solidarity with you on an issue that matters in your heart]. They may not understand all the complexities of world issues - I am not sure many of us really do - but they have good radars for injustice. And they are willing to see the complexities if someone is willing to help them. I say this as someone on the older end of Gen Y and who works with young people.

We need to start somewhere and Kony 2012 is a catalyst for Australians to work out ways to start talking through issues as a community as a whole as well as in our smaller communities. We owe it to our current generation and the generation to come, to ask all the questions needed, to discuss it frankly and wisely and then to act on good information and decisions made as a community.

Let's not stomp out the fire ignited in people's hearts, let's use Knoy2012 like yeast and work with it, combining it with all the ingredients necessary then 'knead' it so it can rise up to be something the feeds the world in a good way.

I know this does not address the specific issues the actual Kony2012 campaign raises, but if we don't think about whether we are stomping or kneading, how can we really take the step to work through Kony2012 well.

The Chase

I'm picturing a scenario, you know the one when you're mucking around with your friend and somehow it turns into some kind of game of chase - for me it's on the beach. Your friend jabs you in a way to 'say it's on!'. The jab is enough to make you think 'ouch' and provoke you to somehow hit back. But before you can hit back your friend is already on the run - testing to see if the jab did its job in igniting the chase. Your friend runs ahead almost running backwards to keep you engaged in the game, slows a little to give you a sense that you're catching up and then darts off in a different direction just as you plan to pounce and claim victory. Your friend keeps leading the chase in unpredictable maneuvers, kicking up the water, with you trying your best to splash back with walls of water, until finally they let you catch up and it all kind of falls in heap of laughter [and puffing form using up all your energy].

Ok well, now you have that in your mind, I feel like God has jabbed me and said 'it's on! bring it!'. It's a bit of a thrilling adventure following GoD! Right now, I'm up for the chase :)

Embracing the 'nerd' in me

Earlier this week emails began to flow with information on the rules of engagement - that is, engaging in online discussion forums, ones that I'll actually be assessed on! It is a new era of study for me. Distance and time have ushered me into cyber-college. Already immersed in it and loving it! :) Daunted, but optimistic is a good description of me and study right now. Learning how to work as a group [with people I don't know, and won't see face to face], being required to participate regularly and effectively, getting the rules of engagement right [like posting in the right forum - it's a good starting point I will be aiming for first], and doing most of my communicating by written word is going to be a challenge.Yet my nerdy senses are alert and eager to be unleashed. Yep, I am one of Those people who liked school ;)

Quite a lot of my friends moved town last year. They were people who also enjoyed discussion on various aspects of life and discovering new things. I've really been craving hearty discussion that challenges me, enlightens me and also encourages me. I think I may have said this before somewhere but I subscribe fully to the idea that 'iron sharpens iron'. Though sometimes that process of sharpening can be painful, most of the time I love it. It makes me feel alive - growing, learning, facing mistakes and developing better ways to think and live...

So this college subject is great timing. Time to hit to pile of books [including the digital prints].

What subjects are you really keen to learn more about, think through for yourself and dream up ideas for??

Leadership... is it in the 'I' or the 'S'?

Leadership gets talked about a lot. There are many books and courses on it. I know - I've read a few and done a few. But nothing has taught me more about leadership than actually being put in the role of a leader.

When I was first given the leadership position where I am today my Minister at the time [ who employed me] asked me what another word for 'leadership' was. I can't remember what I came up with, but they were all wrong. He even told me it started with 'I' and I still had no clue! So if you're still wondering what it is don't worry, I have been there. The word he was looking for was 'Influence'. It made sense. Still does. You can't lead if you have no influence right. But the longer I am in a role of leadership, the more evident it is that the Essence of Leadership is actually Serving/Servanthood, rather than Influence. Sure influence is important cause that means people will follow. But doesn't true long-lasting influence really come from serving those you want to influence. Influence requires trust and how can someone trust when there is not evidence of the 'trusted-to-be' caring for them. Servanthood is the purest form of showing love and thus serving gains trust which then gives one the permission to influence, thus lead. Oooh I just unintentionally used some literary form that I remember learning about in college [but can't remember the name!], how exciting, college is still paying off! :) If you look closely you'll see right in the middle of that line of logic is that ultimately Leadership is about the 'L': Love [but I think everything comes back to love in it's fullness - so I'll just stick to the servant aspect for this blog. And no I'm not from the 60's]


Why else would you want to lead people?

Ok I'm hearing "power-hungry" to that question. Sure a person could lead for their own gain, but I don't actually think that is really leadership - that's lording it over someone and it's more about forcing people  [whether overtly or not] to follow rather than giving people the choice to freely follow [which actually shows more power than having to use force]. 'Lording it' never lasts anyway cause eventually the people you think you are leading/have power over revolt against you [as history and even today's news stories depict]. I cannot help but wonder if people who end up being the power-hungry dictators, who lord it over others, actually started out wanting to lead because they thought they could help people.

Anyway, I am going to assume that most people - especially you because you are reading this - who want to lead or are put into leadership positions are usually at that point because they care about other people and feel like they have something they can bring to the table, so to speak.

I am reminded of a time in my training years where my supervising Minister at the time had to 'pull me up' on a few things I had made mistakes in. As we talked more he realised that the reason for those particular mistakes was that my percecption of my role was skewed. Here I was employed by a loving Church to minister to youth and kids while in college. I had been for almost 2 years and had been feeling a  bit overwhelmed by life and ministry - to the point that I was treating it like any job [part of my coping mechanism]. My supervisor told me [I'm paraphrasing cause I can't remember exact words after 6 years] "This is not a job. The church are making sure your living expenses are covered so you can be free to serve". This was a profound moment - a lightbulb moment! Suddenly I felt free again, like when I first begun,  to serve. The whole idea that I had to meet expectations, live up to some obligations, get everything right, do what everyone wanted me to do, all because I was paid, was not true! That changes things. It makes me think about whether there is a difference between organic leadership and a leadership role and what the pro's and con's are to each - but I'm gunna think about that another day [was that a sigh of relief I heard :P]

I wish I could say that I have never lost sight of that since - but it wouldn't be true. However, through these last 5 years or so of full-time youth and children's ministry, my understanding of leadership and servanthood has been through much vigorous testing and refining. It still requires more refining.

Today was a challenging day in leadership. All day 1 by 1 our youth kept dropping out of tonight's youth group gathering. Some with very legitimate reasons like work, being away or even in hospital [poor girl!:(] Then there were others who couldn't given a reason or got distracted by something else that seemed more important than sticking to the thing they committed to going to first [and actually RSVPed to say they were coming]. So by the time 6.30 rolled up noone did. It's days like this that are reminders, sometimes painful, that what I do - who I am even - is about servanthood.

We all serve someone - whether it be ourselves, others, or a god, or the king of all servants - the Servant King [whose business is serving others - hence the title].

If I wasn't in Minstry to serve I wouldn't still be here. It's costly and difficult, sometimes very lonely. But I love [see it does come back to love] these people and I really want what is best for them. There are great moments when I see one of them grow in an area of life and faith. They keep me here :) More than that I serve the Servant King and He inspires me to want to serve the people He loves too. In fact He enables me to serve - I really couldn't without Him [not for long anyway]. It is only since being put in a leadership position that I have begun to have a richer understanding of Jesus as the Servant King. Check out a situation Jesus had to deal with where 2 of his disciples wanted to be granted glory and status [which we usually attribute to leaders]:

^{Mark 10
35} Then James and John, the sons of Zebedee, came to him. “Teacher,” they said, “we want you to do for us whatever we ask.”
   ³⁶ “What do you want me to do for you?” he asked.
 ³⁷ They replied, “Let one of us sit at your right and the other at your left in your glory.”
   ³⁸ “You don’t know what you are asking,” Jesus said. “Can you drink the cup I drink or be baptized with the baptism I am baptized with?”
 ³⁹ “We can,” they answered.
   Jesus said to them, “You will drink the cup I drink and be baptized with the baptism I am baptized with, ⁴⁰ but to sit at my right or left is not for me to grant. These places belong to those for whom they have been prepared.”
 ⁴¹ When the ten heard about this, they became indignant with James and John. ⁴² Jesus called them together and said, “You know that those who are regarded as rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. ⁴³ Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, ⁴⁴ and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all. ⁴⁵ For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

Jesus totally smacked down the idea of leading out of a desire for personal gain and He backs it up by showing that He [their leader] lived out the purest example of leadership. Leadership cost Jesus everything. He knew the cost in the time and energy he gave to teaching, healing and feeding others. He knew the cost in facing the ridicule, attacks and even pressure to be what others wanted Him to be &do [rather than who He was and what His mission was]. He knew the cost in allowing Himself to be falsely accused, beaten to a pulp and nailed to a cross. And now He continues to serve us on earth by His Spirit & Word, and in heaven being our advocate. Leadership is a life thing - for life, with your life. What have I gotten myself into?!

I'm a West Wing fan. When I watch it I cannot help but think of Jesus and Christians. POTUS is serving the country by leading it - he wants to help the people do what's best for the people [generally] and he sacrfices personal things, takes personal risks and bears the brunt of all kinds of attacks. His staff serve him and serve the Americans in doing so ["I serve at the pleasure of the President" is their catch-phrase]. Obviously Jesus is way better than POTUS cause Jesus is perfect. But the dynamic of leadership/servanthood is similar. So if you're looking for some inspiration on leadership, watch the West Wing, but also read the Bible. As you watch the West Wing keep in mind that what you see that is inspiring you is only a drop compared to the never-ending river of it that you'll find in Jesus - hence why we need to read the Bible - start with the Gospels :)

So here I am. Challenged. Humbled and reminded that even on days like today, I serve at the pleasure of Jesus. Though, not because I am some wonder-woman [the idea of that kind of responsibility is way too overwhelming for me anyway], but because Jesus put it in my heart when He showed me how significantly He loves and serves me so I may be free to enjoy Him and the life within me that He paid for me to have. 

I'm going to go and change my 'leadership' seminar content now. Let's make Servanthood the new Buzz word! :)